Welcome 2017…….

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Isaiah 43:18-19a (NIV)

I’ve been trying for days to write a blog post. I wrote a really negative one at the end of 2016, listing all the things I was “sick and tired” of. After a good bit of soul searching, I have come to realize that the thing I was most “sick and tired” of was my attitude. Many friends had experienced unexpected loss, and those tragedies once again reminded me of the grief of losing Daniel.  But now a clean slate of new days, new weeks, new months, all under the control of a loving God, who will not leave me to face the bad things that life brings alone, stretches before me. So, I am attending the Survivors of Suicide group this evening, and this is my prayer as a new year begins.

Father God,

You know my tears, my fears, my regrets, and my future. You know the grief of a Son’s death. My understanding of your sacrifice is so much more personal now. Yet, how can I compare my loss to yours? Please forgive me. Help me forget the pain of “former things”, while remembering the love. Strengthen me to avoid dwelling on the past. Lead me to let YOU do the new thing in the year before me.

There are a lot of things that I think you want me to do with my life. Nursing has been one of them. Thank you for the connection I feel with patients and colleagues. Thank you for the feeling that my work makes a difference in lives. Thank you that I have been blessed with the ability to provide for my family (I see so many who have not.)

It has been my belief that writing is also a course you want me to pursue. You seem to be reminding me of that through reminders of “Is the next book finished?” or “likes” on a blog post. Yet, in spite of these messages,  I have wallowed in grief and despondence and depression, and I have failed to invest the time and energy that I should in the work of writing. Forgive me. And help me to do better. Grant thoughts and words that can speak to others, that can encourage or inspire, that can tell a good story while honoring your name. Strengthen my will to persevere in the work, for it is work. Banish procrastination. Focus my mind. May everything that I do be to your honor and glory.

And, Lord, help me always to remember that you have a plan for all my days in this life. Help me to recognize and be faithful to your guidance. At my passing, may it be said that I lived well, loved well, and made a difference in your kingdom and this world.

I pray these things in your beloved Son’s name,

Amen

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:14 NIV

May each of you readers have a blessed 2017, filled with the knowledge that God’s love for you is a reality.

A Christmas Gift for You. . .

dscn0001

I was blessed with a special Christmas gift this year–a gift worth “re-gifting” to all my friends. It fit me just fine on December 23. For the earlier part of that week leading up to Christmas had been particularly dark and painful. My perspective changed on the day that I discovered a special reminder in a lovely devotional book titled Jesus Always by Sarah Young (published by Thomas Nelson, 2016).

The truths I was reminded of that day are not new. However, the  reminder came at a particularly crucial time for me. I was about to drown in grief and sad memories and worry when the reminder of several Biblical truths and imperatives became my life jacket, returning me to the shore of thanksgiving, peace, and joy that should always be our Christmas reality.

Reminder #1: Wait for the Lord.

Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

This is the hardest thing for me to do–to just wait on God’s timing. How I long to “fix” things when I see lives torn apart by addiction and the loss of conscience that it brings! How I tend to withdraw into a place of darkness when my grief is overwhelming! How I try to rush the Lord into answers, all the while knowing that His ways are better than my feeble solutions!

Reminder #2: Seek His face.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Psalm 27:8

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

What a miraculous rest is found in Jesus! He can heal the grief of the loss of a child, a sibling, a parent, a friend. He can lift life’s burdens from our shoulders. Have you ever felt those burdens as a physical weight on your shoulders? I have, all too often. Leaving that grief, that worry, that brokenness at Jesus’ feet and resting in the knowledge that His ways are greater than any solutions I might attempt is a lesson that I have to “re-learn” almost daily. After all, He is able to do more that I can ask or imagine……

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

Reminder #3: Hold on to hope.

but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Self assessment: How long has it been since I have felt my spirit soar? Am I running the race of faith without weariness? Is my daily walk strengthened by a morning visit with the Lord, centering my mind on Him in prayer? Am I “rejoicing always, praying continually, and giving thanks in all circumstances“? (2 Thessalonians 5:16-18a) Give thanks in all circumstances? Even the absence of a loved one on a birthday or Christmas? In spite of the pain of seeing someone waste a life in the throes of addiction? Even while watching a loved one suffer a terminal illness? Even when a young adult is stretching wings and pushing boundaries and worry about imagined accidents or bad choices overwhelms?

Right now, this morning, this moment, all the Biblical truths mentioned above are fresh in my mind. I am waiting on the Lord. I have sought his face. I  am filled with hope.  I have a spirit of thanksgiving, the peace that passes human understanding, and a desire to share that joy. So, here I am, praying that these words will encourage or comfort or lift up someone who is where I was on December 23. I know I’ll most likely be back there one of these days, when these promises are not so fresh in my memory. I pray that on that day, you will remind me.

Wishing a blessed New Year to each of you………

 

Lovely things…….

img_0716-2

I admit that people think I am little bit crazy because I like cut flowers in the bathroom, typically a rose in a bud vase. One week I was having an especially difficult time at my job as a nurse practitioner–stressful, exhausting, consuming–and my dear sweet daughter surprised me with the above. Because she knows I like having lovely things to greet me in the morning as I prepare for work and in the evening as I prepare for sleep. And some weeks that’s about the only times I have at home!

In the context of all we’ve been through as a nation the past several months and,  as brought to my attention during my “quiet time” devotional this morning, it struck me that maybe more of us need to be noticing “lovely things” throughout the day, whether working, resting, playing, meditating, praying, worshipping–whatever our minds and bodies and hearts are engaged in. Paul said in his letter to the church at Philippi:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8 NKJV

Our world is so focused on not only the disasters and wars and tragedies that happen everyday, but also on the ugly and evil and negative things that might happen. We often have such an “it’s all about me” attitude about election results or the economy or the way our elected officials govern. Isn’t it time that we paid more attention to the lovely things that God has blessed us with? Freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom to pursue happiness and prosperity, freedom to work hard and play hard, freedom to think “outside the box”–freedoms for every one of every race, creed, faith, and political perspective.

If we are meditating on true, noble, just, pure, lovely, things–things of good report and virtue and praiseworthiness, might our attitudes and perspective change? We might dwell more on the beauty of God’s creation and less on the ugliness of man’s actions. We might pray for all of our elected leaders, that they would be agents of God’s plan for this country, putting our personal preferences (and votes–whether winning or losing) aside. We might pray for our nation, that we would turn once again to the founding fathers’ vision for it, as well as the belief that “In God We Trust”. We might be kinder, more civil, more courteous people. At least that’s what I believe.

So, if I want flowers in the bathroom, yes, I guess that makes me a little weird. But, if it helps me remember “lovely things”, what’s the harm? And, if it reminds me of the beauty of this world that God has blessed us with, what’s the harm? And, if it reminds me that not everyone is as fortunate as I am and makes me want to serve and help others in any way that I can–is that not a good thing?

The rose isn’t there everyday–that would make it not so special, you see. But, when it is, I am reminded of “lovely things”. And, that helps me be a better me for a better day. Wishing all of you “lovely” thoughts and better days……..

 

 

Words set free…….

Roy, Dale, and Happy Trails………….

th1sty63gl

I want a gentler, kinder, more beautiful, spiritual world. I am tired of feeling heartbroken and horrified by the up front and personal view into wars and terrorist attacks and natural disasters that I see on the nightly news. I am overwhelmed by the ugliness of the presidential campaign. When did it become ok for a presidential candidate to use profanity at rallies and debates? I am appalled at the disrespect and hatred of law enforcement that is played out almost daily in demonstrations, riots, and the outright murder of innocent officers, like those simply doing their job in Iowa this past week. The extent of the depths of downright evil that mankind can descend into is beyond my comprehension.

You have to understand that I grew up in a much simpler time. The good guys in the white hats always won. No blood was seen in a Roy Rogers movie. A cowboy could complete an entire fist fight without losing his hat. Remember the theme song? It was a wish, a blessing in song, for the hearers to have happy times.

I can’t quote it, but I do remember singing along with Roy and Dale at the end of each movie or TV segment,”Happy trails to you, till we meet again”. And it was a positive happy song, too simplistic for today’s times–no rap, no amplified instruments. It didn’t even rhyme perfectly. But it made us Roy Rogers fans feel good. There was even a set of rules of behavior for being a member of the “Roy Rogers Riders Club”. They were simple guidelines to living a moral, compassionate, law-abiding life and taking responsibility for your own choices. A couple even reminded one of the Ten Commandments.

And what about the more subtle and less violent cultural changes that confront us daily? Roy and Dale were known for adopting children and wholesome family life with grace said at every meal and open acknowledgement of their Christian faith. Celebrities of our day are celebrated for their romantic relationships (that is VERY plural), divorces, money, power, and how shocking their speech, behavior, or dress can be. By the way, how many prime time shows of our day even acknowledge any kind of belief in a higher power? My husband and I relish watching Blue Bloods, and a big reason is the prerequisite family dinner scene, grace before the meal included. Did you know that there was an alternate Christian verse for use in the Happy Trails song? Roy and Dale were openly Christian. How many of today’s celebrities celebrate their faith for the world to see?

You know, just as I know with all my being that God is not dead, I sense that Satan (or whatever you choose to call the source of evil) is alive and thriving. And this earth and its people are the battleground. The forces of evil are striving to destroy faith and civility and everything good, while God is reaching out with loving arms, longing to save mankind from destruction. I picture him looking down at this world, shaking his head sadly as he observes the state we are in.

My mind knows that I can’t go back to the culture of my youth, but that doesn’t mean that my heart can’t long to. The world has changed, but I don’t have to. I can refuse to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into a harsh, cruel, ugly, faithless existence. I can choose to make my little corner a better place. Because I have a relationship with a loving God who walks with me day by day. He heals my hurts and strengthens my resolve and forgives me when I fail.

I can choose to make my little corner a gentler, kinder, more beautiful, and faith-filled place. Anyone care to join me?

 

 

Words set free…….

The “club”………..

The definition of club from The New Oxford American Dictionary:

a group of people, organizations, or nations having something in common

My heart is broken because another old friend has become a member of what I call “the club”. You do not enter by special, anxiously awaited invitation. As a matter of fact, you NEVER want to join. It is not a place of fun and games or intellectual discussion or playing bridge or gardening. It is a dark and lonely place full of tears and regret and questions and broken heartedness.

Some are recruited by way of a known end-stage terminal illness. Some are pulled into the ranks by accidents or violence or a loved one’s self destructive behavior. Some have been unexpectedly ambushed by a sudden death, of an infant or a toddler or a teen or a young adult. Many elderly members have been drawn into the group by the death of an only slightly less elderly child.

Because this is “the club” of those whose children have preceded them in death. It’s not supposed to be this way, we all know. Children are supposed to bury parents, not parents bury children. All grief is hard, and all grief is personal and individualized. It is my opinion that the grief of a child’s death is a one-of-a-kind experience.

Since losing my Daniel, I have become so much more sensitive to other parents who have lost children. Keep your eyes and ears and hearts open and you will recognize that you meet them everyday. We are out there–friends, acquaintances, church family, coworkers, people in the check out line at Walmart. I used to tell patients who confided in me about the loss of a child that “that must be the hardest loss”. I was right, while never guessing that I would experience that grief myself.

However, the loss of a child can open one’s eyes to the immeasurable value of the greatest gift that the human race has ever been given–Jesus Christ.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

Just think about it, unwilling members of “the club”, God the Father willingly sent his son to die in our stead. He might be considered the Divine Chairman of our group. And, His son, Jesus, often promised that one day we will be reunited with our children in a place without sickness, death, or tears.

That’s what I hold on to. My prayers today go up for all of the membership of “the club”.

Words set free…..

I think I am a Martha………..

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”      Luke 10:38-42 NIV

Just coming off a long stretch of exhausting “other work”, I have neglected writing. I am upset with myself about that. Trying to get away from whining  about tiredness and too much to do and other excuses has led me to think about my life and what is really important to me.

I can relate very strongly to Jesus’ friend, Martha, while wishing that I were more like Mary. Mary had the gift of instinctively knowing the priority of the moment. She didn’t care if the house was clean, the beds freshly made, and an impressive meal in progress. She cared about Jesus, being still beside him, drinking in his words, dwelling in his presence.

I fall in and out of the trap of neglecting early morning quiet time with the Lord on too many sleepy mornings. I have let my physical complaints and “want-to-do’s” and my “need-to-do’s” take priority. The most telling clue to my true “Martha” status is my OCD nature about household chores. No, I am not as obsessively “clean” as I was in my youth, but the dishes have to be done, and I cannot go to bed without picking up the “lived in” clutter of a room. And I can all too often descend into the distracted and complaining mode that Martha exhibited. I, too, can be “worried and upset about many things.”

What’s the answer?  I’m evaluating the way I do my devotional time. I’m eating healthier. Now, if I could only fit in exercise (my excuse is the six to eight thousand steps I make a day at work). There are only 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week, and weekends fly in fast-forward fashion. It’s all about baby steps, I think. Small changes, taking one day at a time, and reminding myself each morning that Mary knew and took advantage of what was important in life. Maybe, as I remind myself, I will do better at doing the same.

I thank you, my readers. Writing is my release and helps me assess and analyze and, hopefully, adapt to life’s challenges. I wish the same for you.

 

 

 

Words set free. . .

True north. . . .

how-to-find-the-north-star

In the past I have found it a challenge to stay on course with the writing. There are so many things that distract me. People that I love, situations that I worry about, housework to be done, a love of cooking, my fulltime job–I could go on.

These are the same things that distract me from a really disciplined prayer life. Sometimes my prayers are interrupted by random thoughts. Sometimes I just can’t seem to focus. That’s why I often write my prayers in a journal. Writing keeps my prayers on course. (My kids are going to be overwhelmed with the old steamer trunk full of my prayer journals when I pass on!)

I think of Steffie’s comments when Daniel was circling the drain in his depression and addiction. “He’s just so lost, Mom,” she said all too often. We all tried to pull him back on course, with prayers and, when he would listen,  words, but he had lost sight of his true north. The true north that I am talking about is not a constellation or a point on a compass. It is keeping one’s heart and mind focused on Jesus Christ. “Abide in me,” Jesus said. How faithfully am I abiding in Christ? How faithfully are you? I know that failing to abide in the Lord is the path to ruin. I know that losing sight of our spiritual North Star is a dangerous thing, leaving us open to negative thoughts and bad decisions and Satan’s attacks.

Since I recommitted my life as a writer to Jesus’ cause, the words have come easier, more freely, and more purposefully. So far, the magnetic pull of my true north remains strong.  Each and every time I press the keys of this keyboard and watch the words appear on the screen, my heart is full of hope that someone out there needs those words, those thoughts, in order to experience a refill of hope, peace, comfort, and strength to persevere in the walk of faith.

Please know that each time I press “publish” for a post, I am wondering if it’s good enough, real enough, true enough to touch someone’s heart. Thank you for letting me share my journey with you.