My middle son was the victim of suicide on August 26, 2015. He was 41 years old. A bright, intelligent, creative, and talented young person, he had made some dangerous choices as an adult, choices that ultimately cost him his life. In her great wisdom, his beloved daughter shared this text with us the day after we laid him to rest:
This is going to be long but thought I should share with everyone. I’ve been reading Charlotte’s Web with Lorelai when we have time to read at night. It’s been a few days since we’ve had time for a chapter obviously but last night I sat down to read to her. Wouldn’t you know it was the chapter where Charlotte dies and I feel like the following quote was mean to be read by us after all of this:
“A little tired, perhaps. But I feel peaceful. Your success in the ring this morning was, to a small degree, my success. Your future is assured. You will live, secure and safe, Wilbur. Nothing can harm you now. These autumn days will shorten and grow cold. The leaves will shake loose from the trees and fall. Christmas will come, and the snows of winter. You will live to enjoy the beauty of the frozen world, for you mean a great deal to Zuckerman and he will not harm you, ever. Winter will pass, the days will lengthen, the ice will melt in the pasture pond. The song sparrow will return and sing, the frogs will awake, the warm wind will blow again. All these sights and sounds and smells will be yours to enjoy, Wilbur—this lovely world, these precious days. . .” (from Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White, 1952)
It is hard to comprehend the torment that a mind must feel to result in ending one’s life so violently. I know that my son struggled with addiction and feelings of unworthiness. The man that ended his life was not the charming, outgoing, loving, sensitive son that I once knew. Somehow I feel that God looked down on this tormented soul and said, “Oh, son, in my great mercy and love I am going to allow you to make your way home to me so you can at last rest in peace once again.”
My prayer is that no other parent should feel this pain. My hope is that once again, for all of our family, we will enjoy “this lovely world, these precious days”, remembering the remarkable person who has gone on to a better home.
parishkathy 
Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. God has given you His wonderful Grace to write these words. Very loving. Very understanding. May God Bless You and Comfort You! Love always, Linda
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Beautiful, my thoughts and prayers are with you in the coming days .
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Thank you for sharing your intimate thoughts, Kathy. Continued prayers are being lifted for your family’s strength and healing. You are loved!
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Aunt Kathy, I am so extremely sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all. May God comfort you all in this very hard time, and give you the strength you need for understanding and healing. Love and miss you all. Jennifer Piggott
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Kathy, I know only too well there is nothing anyone can say that takes the pain away. Sadly for you as with so many of us, the absolute worst thing that can ever happen to you has happened, losing a child. Just know my heart is aching for you and I’m praying for you. I’m so very sorry you now have to travel this journey. Anytime you feel like talking, having an outside person that is in your shoes to cry with , just to sit and be quiet with , I’m here. Please feel free to contact me at any time. I have a wonderful support group in Hope For Grieving Hearts. It’s a support group soley for people that have lost a child regardless of that child’s age. Everyone in the group has been in your shoes and understands exactly what you are and wil be going through. The grief associated with the loss of a child is like no other grief you will experience. It’s is the worst grief of all. So many stages of grief and of course each person handles it in their own way. It’s your grief. When you are ready I wil be happy to give you more information about the group such as time we meet and location. I care and I’m praying for you. I’m so very sorry.
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So sorry for your loss Kathy, Many Prayers for you and your family!
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Prayers for you and your family. Thank you for sharing.
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Kathy your words were very comforting. I have lost 2 family members to suicide. While neither of them was my child, the pain was still great. There was always the “what if” going through my mind. But by the grace of God I realized their tortured souls were now at rest through Him. I think of you daily and lift you up in prayer. Love angie
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I love this post, comforting to me
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Dearest Kathy – I’ve never had children, so I can only imagine the pain that you are experiencing. I’m so grateful that you are not angry at God, and have chosen to approach Daniel’s departure in the way that you said in your post. Daniel is resting in the arms of his Savior and Jesus is drying his eyes. Jesus will dry your eyes too and will give you His peace. John 14:27 We’re praying for Donnie, Cindy, Joe, Ronnie and others in your family too. Debbie J.
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Kathy, my heart aches for you and your family, I never wish to lose another child or grandchild for that matter. I am still praying for you. After we lost Ray and before I went back to work I could actually sense the prayers of my friends and coworkers. Love Sybil
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I, too, feel prayers lifting me up through this incredible grief. I thank everyone for their comments and, most of all, their prayers.
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Daniel and I went to school together from Kindergarten all the way to Senior year. It’s still a little much to comprehend but I can go on with the good memories I have. In case you haven’t heard, there is a ministry to help families who have lost loved ones to suicide. It’s called Spark of Life and they are fabulous! If you would be interested in knowing more, please check out http://www.sparkoflife.org My cousin ended his life in 2011 and this ministry helped a great deal to cope with it.
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Thank you, Kevin. I will miss him so. It’s good to hear from his friends.
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I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son. Daniel and I were classmates from Kindergarten until I had to move from Judsonia after 7th grade. He was such a smart, charming and creative soul. As a mother of 3 myself, I can only imagine how hard it was to write this blog post. You are so brave to share honestly about his struggles. I pray for your peace and that just one family can be spared your pain by you sharing.
May God bless and comfort you.
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Thank you for our talk yesterday and telling me of this post. I continue to pray for all. Love you,
Arlene
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